Last week Wednesday was the three year anniversary of my father's death. I cried. A lot. I cried because I missed him. I cried because I wouldn't see him again (at least here on earth). I cried because there was so much happening in my life and so much that he had missed and yet, so much that he would continue to miss. I also cried because I was overwhelmed with school. I cried because I found myself making sacrifices that I didn't necessarily want to make. I cried because I was missing my family and what was happening with them, missing my friends and what was happening with them. I cried because I wanted to be home. But most of all I cried because I was sad. I cried because everything was not "A" okay in my life. I cried because I had a right to look at the happenings in my life and wish they were happening another way. I cried because I could. And that was the most liberating thing ever. I was in touch with my feelings; I was in tune with where I was. My mental and emotional state tied into together and physically, I released. For you to understand why this was such a big deal would mean for you to understand that for a long time, I didn't know how to process. I didn't cry often because I wanted to be strong and I didn't want to admit that I wasn't superwoman. I didn't allow myself to be in the moment and feel because it would signify that things weren't perfect. But last week, I let that go. Last week, I embraced my humanity and acknowledged my current state of being. It was a beautiful thing. And though I was sad, and I cried, I felt free. I felt like me--and that was what made me strong.
For you, it's okay not to be okay. Cry. Scream. Be upset. Get angry. Be in the moment and feel what you feel. It's not weakness, rather, it's strength that you've embraced your humanity. The best part? When I am weak, that's when He is made strong, and I prefer His strength than mine. <3