I haven't slept properly in almost two weeks. That day, when I awoke from my nap, and happened to check my FB, I was shocked (to say the least) to hear of Thomas TC Clay's death. Unexpected. Unnerving. Saddening. Every night since, I've scrolled through his page, put his songs on repeat, and watched every video I could find. I've felt the grief and anguish of people that loved him, and cry to know that he is gone. There are times when the sovereignity of God is directly in opposition to our humanity. This is one of those times.
I can't tell you exactly why his death has affected me the way it has, but I have an idea. TC showed us what it was like to be courageous enough to be fully human. He showed us what it was like to be imperfect and flawed, yet wonderfully loved and forgiven. He showed us that worship was still possible in the midst of sin when your heart became pure. He showed us how beautiful it was to embrace the pieces and trust that God knew how to make them all make sense. He showed us that it was possible to make mistakes along the way, but that it was okay. He showed us that authenticity and vulnerability would sometimes cause us to be alone, but we still weren't ever alone because God was with us.
I am deeply moved by his life, and his death. I am grateful for the lives that he has impacted, including mine, even from the other side. I am humbled at the lessons I've learned, and am still learning weeks later. I am praying for strength, comfort, and peace for us all, especially those closest to him. All doesn't make sense now, but #allwillmakesensesoon.
Rest well TC. Thank you. Thank you SO very much.